It’s been a while since I’ve been here. Over a year I think. And I keep meaning to come back to it. So much to write, so many ideas swimming around in my head. But the further I get from the last post, the harder it is. I have this idea I should have several posts ready to go, several more in progress, and a whole list of new ideas to work with before I even start back up again. The thing is, if I just get on here and share my thoughts, there would be so much. After all, my brain just never seems to shut off.
But here I am again. This time with a bit of a struggle, though I’m not sure if that’s what I want to call it. I’m here because there has to be more people who have or are experiencing similar. And strength is found in sharing experiences.
You see, I’m feeling stuck. Or heavy. Or restless? Or maybe all of these at once?
There’s a certain feeling I get when I’m eating super healthy or hydrating well. A heaviness, a sluggishness. And a craving for lots of water, fruits, and vegetables. My body needs a good cleanse, a reset. A re-freshening! But now it feels I could take a coconut lime sugar scrub (it’s totally a real thing!) to my whole life: mind, body, and soul.
What brings us to this place? Winter? For sure. Here in the Midwest we have had inches thick ice on the ground for weeks. By now, any snow that has piled up on the roadsides by the plows is now a sickly gray and filled with litter. Our homes have been closed up tight (or as tight as a 100 year old house can be) against the cold. There’s just something about a tiny old house crammed with 7 people (6 guys) and a cat, work boots and wet snow gear, that make me long for warm spring breezes flowing through my house. There’s only so much an oil diffuser can do.
Poor diet? Um, yeah. Warm comfort foods, sweets and treat for the holidays (and any time in between), an exhausted mom and way too many sandwich nights. What we eat not only affects us physically, but also emotionally. And it can be an unhealthy cycle of poor eating leading to bad mood leading to more poor eating. Brownies and jellybeans are delicious, but so are grapes and chicken salads.
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A lackluster prayer life can definitely bring you down. I’m reminded of a verse I memorized in middles school, James 4:8: “Draw near to Gd and he will draw near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.” (Do you think they had coconut lime sugar scrubs?) This is really an area I need to work on. Life seems so much clearer, so much simpler, when my days are started with quiet time with the Lord.
For me personally, my physical health has a lot to do with the way I’m feeling emotionally right now. Chronic illness keeps me down much more than I like. Every year, as nature begins to awaken and you can almost feel all the green things coming to life under the earth, I start to wake up too. My Honey noticed my pattern of piling on too many activities and commitments each spring a long time ago. I am so thankful he shared this observation with me. It brings a new dimension of awareness to what I’m dealing with. Inside, I am still the same girl who wants to do it all. Plant a garden, volunteer, work, clean and decorate the entire house, get out and conquer the world. Spring-level Amee got me in trouble when I was healthy, I would figure out only too soon that it was too much and have to step back from some activities. Now that I live with chronic conditions, that primavera pasión is downright infuriating! Taking inventory, knowing what is truly important to me, makes it much easier to prioritize and cut out the extra.
Last week I did just that, made a list of those things which bring me joy. With colorful lettering pens of course, because creativity and color are definitely on my list. But then it sat there, on the floor next to my bed. While I played mindless games on the computer or scrolled Facebook. While I ate junk (which is probably also next to my bed), and watched television. While I restlessly moped in my dark old house about all the things I cannot do, wasting the time I could be spending on things I can do. None of these things is horrible, but left unchecked, they can take over your life, pushing out those things that truly bring you joy.
Time for a good scrub for my life, a solid spring cleaning. Now where did I put those limes?
This Great Adventure 