Letting Go

My oldest son is on his way to Mexico today.  I am both excited and nervous.  When a child is born, we know we must let go someday.  But it doesn’t just suddenly and magically happen.  It is a process.  A very long process.  Sometimes uncomfortable, sometimes exhilarating.

I graduated college with a degree in human development and have often joked that my family is like my own science lab.  It is true that I have the awesome privilege of watching these boys grow and learn, but this is hardly an unbiased experiment.  I have heard that having a child is like having your heart walking around outside of your body, such an apt description.

And you can feel it, can’t you?  When you watch your heart walk into the kindergarten classroom.  Or when you drop your heart off for that first sleepover, or summer camp.  Or when that heart boards a plane for the first time.  Or when your heart makes a family of their own (a “few” years off for me).  And then your heart learns what this feels like.

My prayer for my son this week is for open eyes and a receptive heart.  For hard work.  For spiritual growth.  And of course, for safety.

Be still…

I did it. I finally cried. Why? Because I’m frustrated. Because I’m lonely. Because I’m tired. Because my husband is 2,000 miles away. 2,055 miles according to Google maps. Because I’m discouraged and overwhelmed.  So I’m sitting here with my sharing size bag of peanut M&M’s.  And I’m not sharing them.

We are both feeling a little overwhelmed and discouraged.  DaddyFoster arrived in our new state last Monday. He has to find us a home before he returns here on July 3rd to join us on the 5 day trip across the country.  We’re only one week into this…how much sanity will I have at the end?

And what a noisy home search it has been.

“Live here!”

“Don’t live there!”

“There’s crime in that neighborhood!”

“This neighborhood is safe!”

“These schools are rated the best!”

“These schools are…ok.”

I have even been told about the “diversity” of the various cities and towns, as well as these areas level of open-mindedness to said “diversity”.  I can honestly say in all my moves (9 times in 16 years) has this ever been a conversation.

And the noise is getting to me.  It’s getting to DaddyFoster too.  I can hear in his voice.  I think if we don’t find a place soon, I can imagine him spinning in a circle with his eyes closed, then pointing at the first house he sees. “That’s it!”  Don’t do it, Sweetie, you’ll get awfully dizzy.

It’s not that we’re not accustomed to noise.  We do have five sons.  There are shouts and screams, bellows and bangs, giggles and songs.  We have a bass and a tenor, a trumpet player and a trombone player and one who can cry louder than any one else in the world.  You think I’m kidding.  I’m not.  We play video games and board games, watch movies, and listen to lots of music.  We love music.  So, you see, noise is no stranger to the Foster clan.

But this is a noise that gets into your head.  It clangs and bangs and gets in the way.  You can’t think, you can’t sleep, you can’t hear…..Him.

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10

Yes.  Be still.  Meditate on Him.  Shut out the noise.

And know that He is God.  God!  The Creator!  The King of this crazy jungle we call life!  He is in control.  What do we have to be worried about?

But I admit it.  I am worried.  That is something I have trouble letting go of.  I try giving these worries to God, but I think I feel naked without them, so I take them back.  Sigh.

So we’re asking for prayer tonight.  Friends, please pray for encouragement.  Pray we are still, that we move past the “noise” of this crazy move, and listen the Lord.  Pray for that peace that passes all understanding.  Thank you.

 

 

 

Living the Journey

“Children, Go where I send thee! How shall I send thee?”

Remember this song? I’m not sure it ever left me. As soon as I was old enough, I helped my parents in the Sunday school, then taught 4 and 5 year old’s as a teenager. Now I’m a parent, and this song is on just about every children’s Bible song CD and in every children’s church classroom.  Today, this song is front and center in my mind, playing over and over.  You see, we’re moving.

“Mommy?  When are we going to move from this house?”

This is how the conversation started with my five year old one day in late September.
“We’ll move when God tells us to move.”  “OK.”  I thought that was that.  I thought the answer satisfied him.  And I was glad.  I don’t like moving.  No. I loathe moving.  Some rather unpleasant experiences have left me with intensely negative emotions around moving.  Besides, this is the city where I had always wanted to live.  Where I wanted to put down roots.  Where I wanted to be involved with the schools, the government, everything.   The next time we move, it had better be out of rentals and into our own home.  Here.  In my city.  Little did I know…..

“Mommy?  When is God going to tell us to move from this house?”  This is how the next morning started.  “I don’t know, Sweetie.  But when He tells us to move, that’s when we’ll move.”

She said it!  Cue the ringing phone!

It’s DaddyFoster telling me they’re moving operations to Wisconsin.  Oh.  Unemployment?  “They’ve offered me a job, a transfer.”  What?!?

“Children, go where I send thee.”

It is truly a song about living out our faith.

Wherever we are, wherever we land, is where the Lord has sent us.  You may not be traveling to foreign lands, feeding starving orphans, or sharing the truth with lost tribes.  Those people need God, yes, but so do the people where you are.  Do you work in an office?  Let your light shine!  Do your children bring their friends home?  Let your light shine!  Do you work with your hands in construction or mechanics?  Let your light shine!  What do you do?  Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine!

 

“How shall I send thee?”

And about going where He sends us.

Even when it’s a little scary.  (We don’t have a landing pad yet.)  Even when there is a giant looming before us.  (A five day trip with five boys ages 5 to 16?)  Even when it means transplanting your family of seven 2,000 miles away from extended family and friends.  (We must get that Skype account).

Pray with our family, as DaddyFoster leaves a month before us, and I am here with the boys; as he looks for a home for us there; as the children (and us) have worries and second thoughts; as the moving company packs and transports our “stuff”; as we get to know our new home; as we go where He sends us.

MamaFoster